On optional voting in Australian elections

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Voting in Australian elections is not currently optional, which is a position that enjoys public support; however, it has been the subject of historical and contemporary debate. Although there are benefits to mandatory voting, optional voting could ensure the constitutional legitimacy of Australian elections, while maintaining both the satisfaction and true representation of the electorate. This essay contrasts optional voting with the goals of mandatory voting in Australian elections, and questions whether these goals may be hindered by mandatory voting or better achieved with optional voting.

Voting in Australian elections is mandatory, and there is ongoing debate over whether this should be changed. At the beginning of the 20th century, voting in elections was optional, but was made compulsory at federal elections in 1924 by an amendment to the Commonwealth Electoral Act 1918 (Evans 2006:5). The states introduced compulsory voting between 1915 and 1942. Although it is often argued that voting itself is already optional because of the use of secret ballots (Gray 2012:592; Lever 2010:898), in Australia, marking a ballot paper and putting it in the ballot box is not optional (Evans 2006:4). Evans (2006:9,15) argues that mandatory voting enjoys a high level of support from the public, but highlights a history of some members of parliament favouring making voting optional. In contrast, John and DeBats (2014:3-4) suggest that the wide acceptance of compulsory voting exists as part of the discussion only as conventional wisdom; however, data shows that compulsory voting does have public support in Australia, as more than seven in ten Australians support it (Evans 2006:9), and more than three quarters would vote if it was optional (Sheppard 2015:301). Thus, a change to make voting in Australian elections optional is an issue that is somewhat controversial, and is worthy of discussion.

Australia’s democracy guarantees the right to vote, and this may include the right not to vote; therefore, optional voting may be essential to support rights guaranteed by the Australian Constitution. One of the rights guaranteed to citizens by the Australian Constitution is the right to vote (Gray 2012:600), and this has been upheld by the courts; for example, in a court decision that found that prohibiting some prisoners from voting was unconstitutional (Gray 2012:600). More generally, this right to vote can be interpreted as both the right to political communication, and the right to make political choices. Australian courts have determined that non-verbal political communication is a guaranteed right (Gray 2012:594), and, as Gray (2012:594) argues, not voting is expressly a type of political communication. Moreover, the communication a person delivers by not voting may be either one of no preference, or one of rejection of all options offered (Gray 2012:594), and unless voting is optional, these types of communication are impossible. Similarly, an election where a voter is compelled to choose from a limited selection of unappealing options does not represent a legitimate choice at all (Gray 2012:605), and is contrary to the spirit of the Australian Constitution. Conversely, in spite of the compulsory voting system in Australia, voting is, in some circumstances, optional. People who have valid reasons for not voting are not required to vote (Gray 2012:592), and these reasons include religions and ethical objections (Gray 2012:592; Lever 2010:912). As Lever (2010:912-913) argues, even when voting is required, the requirement can be disregarded when not voting is more important. Therefore, unless voting is optional, neither the right to free political communication, nor the spirit of legitimate choice in elections, nor the right to abstain by valid exemption is guaranteed.

Optional voting could increase the validity and legitimacy of election results, and may increase voter’s satisfaction with the election process. An argument is often made that results of elections in places where voting is mandatory are more legitimate and more respected than in places where voting is optional (Gray 2012:597). However, Gray (2012:597) disputes this, noting that the governments of countries with optional voting, such as the United Kingdom and the United States, are accepted as legitimate, while countries with governments that are often associated with lover levels of legitimacy, such as North Korea, see high turnouts, which is an often stated goal of compulsory voting. Additionally, turnout of large numbers of people who are compelled to vote may “[dilute] the quality of the decision that voters have made” (Gray 2012:598). This suggests that optional voting may not negatively affect the legitimacy of Australian elections, and may improve it. Furthermore, although Malkopoulou (2020:282) argues that satisfaction with democracy is higher amongst people who vote than those who do not, there is evidence of anger experienced by voters associated with mandatory voting (Miles and Mullinix 2021:230-231). Indeed, the argument that people in countries that enforce mandatory voting are more satisfied with the electoral process (Malkopoulou 2020:282) is disputed by Miles and Mullinix (2021) in their study, which found that those not compelled to vote experienced no anger whatsoever. As a result, replacing Australia’s mandatory voting system with optional voting may increase both the legitimacy of elections and the satisfaction of voters.

As well as affecting the legitimacy of elections, optional voting could affect the egalitarian nature of Australia’s democracy, but it is unclear whether this effect would be positive or negative. One of the strongest arguments against optional voting is that mandatory voting “bolsters the inclusivist, pluralist and egalitarian elements of a democratic system” (Malkopoulou 2020:279). This not only means that everyone (or close to everyone) participates in the democratic process, but also that everyone has more equal opportunity to gain knowledge and understanding about politics (Sheppard 2015:305). Similarly, optional voting reduces the chance that the choices of the whole electorate, instead of a small number who choose to vote, will be represented by the outcome of elections (Lever 2010:899). Moreover, if the majority of voters prefer moderate political positions, optional voting can lead to an overrepresentation of a radical minority (Malkopoulou 2020:277). However, the historical context of compulsory voting suggests it may have been introduced in Victoria in efforts to maintain the status quo, keeping power in the hands of existing conservative governments, and reducing the power of underrepresented minorities (John and DeBats 2014:26-27). In other Australian jurisdictions, compulsory voting may have been introduced to make managing the electoral roll an easier task, or even to enable “partisan manipulation” of elections (John and DeBats 2014:6). This appears to be in direct contrast to the stated egalitarian goal of mandatory voting in Australia. Despite this historical context, the result of optional voting in modern Australia may lead to an undesirable increase in the representation of radical right-wing populist groups, as supporters of these groups often see higher turnout at elections (Malkopoulou 2020:277). Thus, while optional voting could lead to increased representation of minority groups, it is not clear whether this would result in progressive change tolerated by an indifferent majority or radical populism opposed by an unrepresented majority.  

Another celebrated benefit of mandatory voting is that it may increase the public’s political engagement and political knowledge, but this is neither the goal nor a necessary outcome of mandatory voting. There is some evidence that mandatory voting is associated with higher levels of political knowledge, but this is dependent on the type of election and the level of enforcement (Miles and Mullinix 2021). The effects of mandatory voting are only seen when the mandate is enforced, and then only when enforcement is strong. (Sheppard 2015:305). However, increased political knowledge may not be a reasonable justification for mandatory voting; Miles and Mullinix (2021:235) describe a more informed electorate as a “second-order [benefit]”. Conversely, participating in elections is not the only form of political participation, and there may be other more important forms of democratic participation (Lever 2010:908), which suggests there may be better ways of developing more informed citizens. Consequently, optional voting may result in equal levels of political knowledge without relying on elections as burdensome and inefficient tools.

Although there are clearly stated benefits to mandatory voting, in Australian elections, it is unlikely that these benefits outweigh citizens’ rights to abstain; moreover, it is uncertain that these benefits are delivered by mandatory voting, or could not be delivered in a system of optional voting. Abstaining from voting is a form of political communication that is a guaranteed constitutional right, and optional voting would ensure that only those who wish to be represented are. The egalitarian nature of Australia’s democracy would not necessarily be disrupted by optional voting; indifferent majorities can be represented by vocal minorities, and political knowledge can be increased outside the context of elections. However, with such strong public support for compulsory voting in Australia, it may be that optional voting will remain simply a hypothetical ideal.

References

Evans T (2006) Compulsory voting in Australia, AEC (Australian Electoral Commission), accessed 7 January 2022. https://www.aec.gov.au/about_aec/publications/voting/

Gray A (2012) ‘The constitutionality of Australia’s compulsory voting system’, Australian Journal of Politics and History, 58(4):591-608, doi:10.1111/j.1467-8497.2012.01655.x.

John S and DeBats DA (2014) ‘Australia’s adoption of compulsory voting: revising the narrative – not trailblazing, uncontested or democratic’, Australian Journal of Politics & History, 60(1):1-27, doi:10.1111/ajph.12042.

Lever A (2010) ‘Compulsory voting: a critical perspective’, British Journal of Political Science, 40(4):897-915, doi:10.1017/S0007123410000050.

Malkopoulou A (2020) ‘Compulsory voting and right-wing populism: mobilisation, representation and socioeconomic inequalities’, Australian Journal of Political Science, 55(3):276-292, doi:10.1080/10361146.2020.1774507.

Miles MR and Mullinix KJ (2021) ‘(Un)informed voting? A test of compulsory voting feedback effects’, Policy Studies Journal, 49(1):219-241, doi:doi.org/10.1111/psj.12366.

Sheppard J (2015) ‘Compulsory voting and political knowledge: testing a ‘compelled engagement’ hypothesis’, Electoral Studies, 40(300-307, doi:10.1016/j.electstud.2015.10.005.

Straight people and the word “partner”

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I had a chat with ChatGPT and had it write this post.

In recent years, the use of the word “partner” to describe romantic relationships has become more common. This gender-neutral term can be used to refer to a significant other, spouse, or life partner, regardless of their sexual orientation. It’s a term that promotes inclusivity and respect for all types of relationships. However, there are differing opinions on the use of the word “partner” among straight individuals.

Some people believe that “partner” should only be used by members of the LGBTQ+ community to describe their romantic relationships. This is because the LGBTQ+ community has historically faced discrimination and has often had to find alternative terms to describe their relationships due to the lack of recognition and legal protections. They may feel that using the word “partner” by straight individuals erases the historical significance and cultural appropriation of the term.

However, others argue that language is constantly evolving and that using the word “partner” as a more inclusive and gender-neutral term is a positive step towards creating a more equal and accepting society. The decision to use the word “partner” or not is a personal one, and it’s important to respect different opinions on the matter.

In some cases, straight women in relationships with homophobic men may use the word “partner” in queer spaces to create a sense of ambiguity around their relationship. This could be seen as an attempt to conceal the fact that they are in relationships with men who hold homophobic beliefs and to create the assumption that they could be queer to give their voices more authority in queer spaces than they may really deserve.

However, in this scenario, the use of the word “partner” to conceal one’s heterosexual identity could be perceived as dishonest or misleading. It could also be seen as an attempt to appropriate LGBTQ+ culture and exploit the privileges and safety that come with being perceived as part of that community. It’s important to be transparent and authentic about one’s identity and relationships, and to respect the norms and values of the communities and spaces one participates in.

In conclusion, the use of the word “partner” to describe romantic relationships is a personal decision, and it’s important to respect different opinions on the matter. However, it’s also important to be transparent and authentic about one’s identity and relationships, and to engage in open and honest discussions about the challenges one faces. Additionally, it’s important to acknowledge and reject any form of discrimination or prejudice, including homophobia, and to actively work towards creating a more inclusive and accepting society.

Peasant food. ¡Olé!

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This isn’t Spanish, but it’s nice to pretend it’s Spanish peasant food. It’s braised chicken with chorizo, potatoes, and beans in a tomato broth It does take a little while to make, but it’s not difficult, and spending time preparing it is perfect for businessmen who have spent the day in the city destroying each other’s reputations to take their minds off things for a little while.

Serves 4, generously, and will stretch to 6.

Ingredients

  • 1 whole chicken (medium size)
  • 2 chorizo sausages, chopped into discs
  • 1 large carrot, diced
  • 2 sticks celery, diced
  • 1 medium onion, diced
  • 2 cloves garlic, chopped
  • 3 medium potatoes, roughly chopped
  • 1 red pepper/capsicum (call it what you will), chopped
  • 1 400g can diced tomatoes
  • 2 400g cans cannellini beans or butter beans, drained but not rinsed
  • 1 tsp dried mixed herbs
  • A few strands of saffron (optional, and leave out if your purse doesn’t stretch to such extravagance)
  • Chicken stock (from a cube) – about 500ml

You’ll need a 4L flameproof casserole or a cooking pot that you can place over direct heat.

Method

Begin by jointing the chicken. If you really can’t cope with the idea, you could use 6 chicken thigh cutlets instead, but jointing a chicken isn’t difficult, and it’s far more economical. I cut it up to end up with two breasts, two thighs, two drumsticks, and two wings.

Next, warm a little olive oil (or whatever oil you have) in the casserole over a medium heat and toss in the chorizo. Let this cook for about ten minutes, until the golden paprika oil from the chorizo is released, and the edges of the sausage start to brown. Then, with a slotted spoon, remove the chorizo to a plate and turn up the heat.

Now brown the chicken pieces in batches – around 2-3 minutes on each side. Don’t worry about getting crispy skin; it’s all going to be in liquid in the end, so it won’t stay crispy. After each batch of chicken is nice and brown, remove the pieces to a plate and set aside. Turn the heat back down to medium-low.

Now, add the carrot, celery, onion, and garlic into the pot, and soften these for around ten minutes, stirring occasionally. Then begin building!

Return the chorizo to the pot, followed by the potatoes, and stir everything together. Arrange the chicken on top of that before pouring on the tomatoes. Next, tumble in the beans, followed by the capsicum/pepper, herbs, and saffron. If you need to, wiggle everything around with a spoon so it all fits. Then pour in the stock – only as much as you need to barely cover everything. You won’t be able to really stir everything, but another few wiggles with a spoon should be enough to get everything conbined.

Now turn the heat down to low, stick a lid on the pot, and let it hang out, bubbling gently, for about an hour. If you feel the sauce needs thickening, you can make a slurry with some cornflour or potato starch and water and add that at around 45 minutes.

You can serve it on its own in bowls, but a couple of hunks of good bread to mop up the sauce wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

¡Buen Appetito!

Beanz Meanz Snagz!

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This dish of pork sausages with Brussels sprouts and cannellini beans in a hot balsamic vinaigrette was a really simple midweek dinner that I chucked together the other night, and that I didn’t think was particularly impressive. However, the photo got a lot of likes on Twitter and Instagram, and (perhaps more importantly) it was especially delicious, and really felt rather fancy. I realise that it actually was impressive; it just wasn’t complicated. I’m looking forward to making this again for Adrian, but in the meantime, I’ll share here how I made it so that you can enjoy it too!

Serves 2

Ingredients

  • 6 nice fat pork sausages (you can use beef or chicken sausages if you don’t eat pork, or plant-based sausages if you don’t eat meat at all)
  • 250 g Brussels sprouts, washed (and trimmed if necessary)
  • 400 g can of cannellini beans (white beans, haricot beans etc), drained and, if you can be bothered, rinsed
  • 3 tbsp olive oil (not extra virgin, unless it’s all you have)
  • 1 – 2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
  • 1 tsp dried mixed herbs (optional)
  • salt and freshly ground black pepper

What to do

Preheat the oven to 220C (200C if you have a fan oven, gas mark 7 if you have a gas oven, 425F if you live in America, which I don’t recommend, but I’m aware some of you have little choice in the matter).

Start with the balsamic vinaigrette. In a bowl, dissolve the salt in the vinegar, along with the black pepper and herbs (they won’t dissolve, but chuck ’em in now anyway), before whisking in the olive oil to form an emulsion. Tip in the beans and the sprouts and toss them until everything is nicely coated with the oil and vinegar emulsion.

Then tumble that mixture into a baking pan (mine is about 24 cm square, but the size isn’t that important), and spread it so that it’s more or less a single layer, and sit the sausages on top before putting it in the preheated oven to bake for 35 minutes.

Then, well, eat it!

Balsamic Brussels Sprouts

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Last night we had a pretty simple dinner: some rump steak with vegetables and potatoes. But I think even with simple fayre, it’s important for it to be delicious, and so I dressed the stir-fried sprouts in a hot balsamic vinaigrette. They were very excellent. Here’s how I did it.

Serves 2

Ingredients

150 g Brussels sprouts
1 tablespoon rice bran oil
2 pudding spoons olive oil
3 pudding spoons balsamic vinegar
Salt and black pepper

Begin by bringing a pot of water to the boil and adding some salt. While waiting for the water to boil, slice the sprouts in half lengthways, then add them to the water and boil for four minutes (you could steam them for four minutes instead, but I used the same water to parboil potatoes, so it made more sense to boil them).

While the sprouts are boiling, whisk together the olive oil and balsamic vinegar with a good pinch of salt and a grinding of black pepper until you have an emulsion. Don’t stress about how emulsified it is: you’ll have to whisk it again anyway. Then set a wok of an appropriate size over a high heat (if you don’t know what an appropriate size is, I’m going to assume you only have one wok, so use that one. If you don’t have a wok, you can use a big frying pan).

Once the sprouts have had their four minutes, drain then and let all the steam come off them. You want them reasonably dry. Then heat the rice bran oil (or any oil you have really) in the wok, and add the sprouts. Stir fry them for about two or three minutes or until they start to go a bit black (but stop before they turn to charcoal), and then pour in the vinaigrette (after giving it a final quick whisk). Continue to toss the sprouts about until the vinaigrette has bubbled and reduced and turned a bit syrupy. Add some more salt and pepper if it needs it, then tip the whole lot out onto a warmed serving plate, and serve immediately.

Coq au vin when you can’t be arsed

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Adrian bought some chicken drumsticks yesterday and asked me to cook them. The think that came to mind was coq au vin, but I really couldn’t be bothered, so I threw something together with stuff I had in the fridge and pantry that sort of resembled a kind of coq au vin, but I’m sure traditionalists would be horrified. I don’t care.

Serves 4

8 chicken drumsticks
1 bottle white wine
4 large-ish carrots
1 large onion
200 g button mushrooms
a couple of cloves of garlic
3 tbsp flour
50 g tomato paste
1 pudding spoon Dijon mustard
1 pudding spoon grain mustard
250 ml chicken stock
thyme, 2 tsp dried or a couple of sprigs fresh
a bay leaf or two if you think it’ll make a difference
salt and pepper

Begin by peeling the carrots and chopping them into medallions. How thick you cut them is up to you, but mine ended up about half a centimetre thick. Then slice the onion into half moons. Brush the mushrooms if you like, but I couldn’t be bothered; a little dirt won’t hurt anyone, I thought as I was tossing them in, but I also remembered a TikTok I watched the other day that said button mushrooms are best grown on pig manure. Anyway, I digress. Brush them or don’t brush them: it’s up to you.

Put the flour into a big freezer bag (or whatever plastic bag you have) along with some salt and pepper. Don’t be shy with the salt and pepper: this is not ritual magic; we want to create a good flavour. Then put the chicken drumsticks in and give it all a good shake until the chicken’s coated with the seasoned flour.

Then, in a nice big pot over a fairly high heat, and into which you’ve warmed some oil, brown the chicken in batches before removing it to a plate. Get it nice and brown. Set your smoke alarm off. I did.

After that, turn the heat down and tumble in the onions, and fry them for about five minutes or until they’re starting to go a bit brown. Then add the garlic, which you have chopped or minced if you had the energy, or merely peeled if you didn’t, along with the carrots. Soften and stir for another few minutes. How many minutes depends on your patience. My patience lasted three minutes, but I wish it had lasted five.

Next, put the tomato paste and mustard in and stir everything together before adding whatever flour was left in the freezer bag, stirring to blend everything together. Then return the chicken to the pot, again stirring so everything gets coated.

Wine time now! Pour in the wine. All of it. And add the stock too. If you drank a glass of the wine while you were cooking, and I don’t blame you if you did, add more stock. Just make sure everything’s just about covered with liquid. Then add the mushrooms, thyme, and bay leaves, stir again. Now is also the time to check the ingredients list and add anything you forgot.

Put a lid on and bring it up to a nice boil. Then turn the heat down to low, and simmer it gently for an hour and a half. Take the lid off halfway through if you remember.

I served it with steamed bok choy, but mashed potato would be nice too.

Fathers Day

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Yesterday, Anthony Albanese, federal Leader of the Opposition again shared “Labor’s plan to Beat COVID-19”. The plan in full is here, but the short version is:

Build new quarantine facilities and expand existing facilities in every state and territory – because it’s time to end the blame game and be a true partner with the states and territories.

Fix the vaccine rollout and expand mobile and mass vaccination clinics to get as many Australians vaccinated as quickly as possible. We would stop the excuses and get everyone who lives and works in aged or disability care vaccinated. We have the doses and we know where they are. There’s simply no excuse for the delay.

Start a mass public information campaign to encourage people to get vaccinated, and start a process for considering incentives to achieve that aim.

Begin manufacturing mRNA vaccines, like Pfizer, right here in Australia. This virus isn’t going away and when it comes to beating it, we need to be able to stand on our own two feet.

What the plan doesn’t address is Australia’s international borders, which have been essentially closed for more than a year now, with citizens and permanent residents not permitted to leave, and only citizens and permanent residents (termed “returning travellers”) allowed to enter, completing two weeks hotel quarantine on their return. There are (very low) weekly caps on the number of arrivals, and there are still tens of thousands of Australians stranded overseas and trying to get home.

On Sunday night, I called my parents in the UK. It was for our weekly catch up, but mainly it was because it was Fathers Day in the UK and I wanted to call my Dad. I haven’t seen my parents or my sister or my nephew for almost two years because of the pandemic, and it’s becoming increasingly distressing for all of us. Being forcefully separated from family, especially when we are a close family, is distressing.

During the conversation, Dad asked me how many Australians had family overseas. I said I didn’t know, but figured the proportion must be pretty high, and I guessed at around 20 to 30%. I was wrong. I looked it up yesterday, and according to this article in the Guardian, in 2017, 49% of Australian’s population was either born overseas or had at least one parent born overseas. That’s half of Australia, presumably with some family overseas. Half of everyone in Australia has had their family split up indefinitely because of Australia’s border policy.

But it goes further. It must. More than half when you consider Australians who have children overseas, Australians whose spouses are overseas, Australians whose siblings, niblings, and piblings are overseas. It’s staggering just how many of our families are affected. The majority of people in Australia are personally affected by Australia’s border policy. And this is why, given that the border policy has been such an important part of Australia’s COVID response, it’s distressing that Anthony Albanese and his Labor Party offers nothing in his COVID response plan.

Labor is a party I have supported in the past, and is a party I wish I could support now, but it’s a party that offers no support to me, and no support to the millions of Australians affected by Australia’s border policy. All they offer is super-enhanced immigration detention for returning Australians, but no vision on when, if ever, we may be able to see out families again.

We can’t leave – we’re not allowed to – and there’s no indication in Albanese’s so-called plan as to when we might be able to. And there’s no mention of if, when, or how we might look at beginning to open our borders again and how we can increase the number of arrivals without a significant COVID risk, so even when we are allowed to leave, this “plan” means it would be just as difficult to get back home as it is today.

We’re offered no hope. None at all. A majority of Australians offered nothing. We can see around the world, after a year of watching our families and friends die or be left seriously ill from this disease, that mass vaccination is working. In some of the places that saw some of the worst COVID disasters, mass vaccination is facilitating travel within and across international borders. But Albanese’s plan for Australia is still to keep the foreigners out, and lock everyone else up in immigration detention on arrival. That’s not a plan. Or if it is, it’s a plan that insults at more than half of everyone in Australia. It’s cruel and unnecessary, improves nothing, costs a lot, and leaves us in exactly the same position we are today: stagnant and cut off from the world. As Julia Gillard put it, in what was probably her most famous speech as Prime Minister, “we are entitled to a better standard than this”.

A plan that insults the majority of Australians and leaves us cut off indefinitely from our families may well see Labor lose the next election. And unless they change, I hope they do – not because I want to see continuing Liberal/National government: I hate those fuckers even more. But I need Labor to see that they can’t just be Not The Other Guys. They can’t offer us literally nothing and expect us to vote for it. And if they do lose the next election, I hope they look back and ask themselves if their “plan” to keep half of Australians cut off from their families for no good reason was really the visionary policy they thought it was.

Advice for choosing a first knitting project

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Sometimes beginner knitters ask me for advice on a first project. Sometimes, in my knitting group, we discuss what good first projects are. What’s the first thing a new knitter should make? They’ve learnt how to do the basic stitches [aside: there are only two stitches in the whole knitting, and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying, but that’s by the bypass] and now they want to actually make something! What should that thing be?

You’re going to say a scarf. I know you’re going to say a scarf. And John Avocado’s advice for a first project is: do not make a scarf.

If you decide to make a scarf for your first project, there’s a good chance that the main outcome of this project will be that you will hate knitting. This is because there are only two types of scarf: (a) easy and boring, and (b) interesting and difficult. Neither of those is suitable for a beginner. And in fact, those two types are really just subtypes of the one type of scarf that there is: long.

A basic scarf will probably be about 60 inches long and 6 inches wide, and a garter stitch scarf that size using a 10-ply/worsted weight yarn like Cascade 220 at the recommended gauge will have between 14,500 and 18,000 stitches. All knit stitches. And that’s a lot of stitches. And a lot of the same stitches. Over and over and over. Even something like Stephanie Pearl-McPhee’s One Row Handspun Scarf, while a bit les monotonous, is a big project with a lot of stitches, and a new knitter who just wants to get their first project finished really risks getting bored, or resenting a project that seems to be taking so long to finish.

The other reason is that new knitters tend not to be very good at knitting. And there’s no shame there! It’s part of the process of learning to knit: nobody starts good, and people only get better at knitting with practice. When I started knitting, my tension was uneven, my stitches were sloppy, my edges were a mess, and certainly not straight (and though, I should add, straight is not something I strive for generally in life, for the edges of a basic scarf, it’s normally seen as a requirement), and I think this is the case for most new knitters. And the result is that a new knitter embarking on their first project will end up spending a lot of time and effort (and often money!) on this big project, and end up having made something that does not look good. And the risk is that they’ll be so disheartened that they decide they hate knitting and never pick up the needles again.

So I’m very clear when I say to new knitters choosing a first project: do not make a scarf. The chances that this will lead to disappointment are just too high.

So, what to knit? As with choosing any knitting project, I think it’s a good idea to think about what you want to get out of the process: not just the thing you make, but the experience of making it. Do you want a challenge? Do you want to learn new skills or just practise existing ones? There are many considerations, but I think most new knitters have similar goals: they want a first project to be easy and reasonably quick, they want to actually have a finished piece, and it should look reasonably good.

My friend Heather had this dilemma a couple of months ago, and my advice to her was to make something small. And in fact, I recommended the One Row Scarf, but in bookmark size. That way, she’d finish a project before she gave up, would have something that was useful, and would have have something where it wouldn’t matter too much if the stitches didn’t look perfect. (I should add here that the bookmark she made on my recommendation looked stunning.)

Another idea for a first project would be a hat. A basic beanie, nothing fancy. A hat comes together much quicker than a scarf, and it doesn’t have edge stitches (it’s either knitted in the round, or the edge stitches end up in the seam), so the main areas of a piece looking less good disappear. I like the Cozy Cobblestone Cap as a first project: it’s simple, has a mix of knit and purl stitches, as well as decreases and seaming so it’s not boring, it looks good, and it’s knitted flat (I know new knitters tend to be scared of knitting in the round (I certainly was!), and often the only needles a beginner has are straight needles, so I know it’s a consideration).

In summary, a scarf is a big project that will either be boring or difficult, and so it’s not my pick for a first project. Think about what you want to get out of the experience of a first project, and pick something that you can finish quickly, and that will be easy, but with a bit of variety in the stitches to keep you interested and engaged. Most importantly, pick something that you want to have!

Have fun with your knitting, and good luck!

Knitting: looking back at 2020 and a plan for 2021

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Like a lot of people, I think, 2020 was a year when I had quite a lot of downtime for knitting, but overall it felt a bit flat. For most of the year, my attention span was so very short, and I felt I only had the energy for small, quick projects. And for a lot of the year I was knitting alone: because of COVID-19, my knitting group moved to meeting online from March until around July, and even though the sense of connection was there, knitting (and crochet!) is so much about touch, and sharing what we were working on with the rest of the group just wasn’t quite the same via Zoom (it was actually Google Meet, but that’s neither here nor there).

Mardi Gras knitted accessories

I do feel a small sense of accomplishment, looking back at 2020 though, as I did get quite a few of those small and quick projects finished. I started the year with the Ex-boyfriend Socks (Nathaniel bought me some lovely alpaca yarn from Hahndorf as a “break up gift” (who knew that was a thing!) and I turned it into socks and gave it back to him). I made accessories for Mardi Gras (an earring and a crown) out of the rainbow acrylic yarn I got for cheap in Lincraft’s closing down sale, and during lockdown I made three pairs of socks for myself, two pairs of mittens, and I had a go at embroidery onto knitted fabric with duplicate stitch.

The horrid cotton socks that look good but were not fun to knit

But there were a few speed bumps in my knitting too. After lockdown, in June, I started on a pair of cotton socks, and I hated knitting them so much, it took months to finish them. I found out via these socks that I hate working with cotton yarn, and even worse. I made the mistake of using a dark colored yarn on black needles (KnitPro Karbonz, which are by far my favorite needles), and I ended up losing any enthusiasm I had for knitting at all. And the Manta shawlette, the one I was so excited about at the end of the year progressed slowly, and is now indefinitely on hold: the pattern isn’t all that fun to work (it’s fiddly lace, has too many SSP stiches in it, and is worked around a double yarn-over in the middle which makes it feel like the whole thing is going to fall apart at any time) so I wasn’t enjoying knitting it, and in November the pattern designer went on a full-on “reverse racism is a thing” rant on Instagram, so I just didn’t want to work his pattern any more.

Christmas hat for Adrian with Latvian braids

I figured I wouldn’t be able to send knitted gifts home for Christmas this year because of postal delays: Australia Post had consistently only been offering a very limited service to the UK for much of the year, but I checked the Australia Post website in late October, and they’d re-introduced Express Post to the UK, so in two weeks (!!) I managed to knock out two pairs of socks and two pairs of gloves and made the Express Post last date for Christmas. That early deadline, of course, gave me time to make a hat for Adrian.

Over the Christmas period, I worked on another pair of socks for myself (very very basic ones), two jockstraps (one as a gift for a friend in Japan), and I started work on the Anubias shawl, which is very exciting.

As we move into 2021, I’ve found my enthusiasm for knitting again, but I do want to plan my projects this year, rather than just doing whatever I feel like when I feel like it (I think that was part of the problem with 2020: I didn’t have a plan so it all felt very erratic).

The Anubias shawl – a work in progress

The first part of the plan involves always having a pair of socks on the go. I never saw myself as a sock knitter, and I still don’t really, but I do quite like knitting socks, they don’t require a lot of *inspiration*, and I find them a good way of always feeling like I’m making progress. January’s socks are already finished, so I’m ahead of schedule (shhh, I cheated: they’re the basic basic socks that I started in December), and work on February’s socks can start. I bought some gorgeous hand-dyed yarn from my friend Mel, and I’m planning a pair with a lace panel running up the front and instep. After that, my Instagram friend Matt Akers (who I have a crush on) designed a collection of socks for Pride, so I might give one or two of his patterns a go.

I’ve already started planning for Christmas, including two jumpers (my nephew will be getting a Tin Can Knits FLAX sweater for Christmas) as well as a couple of Fair Isle projects.

The Mizu-sake coaster designed by Duke of Nikko (it reads 水 on the other side)

As well as finishing the Anubias shawl, working on my Christmas projects, and always having socks on the go, I have plans for some smaller projects that I will be working on to break things up a bit, and to make sure I get some things actually finished fairly regularly. Another Instagram friend, Duke Akiba (who I also have a crush on) designed a gorgeous hat called 绿 Midori (which is the Japanese word for green) and I’m looking forward to starting that in February. Duke is also the king of double knitting (I made his 水酒 Mizu Sake coaster last year and love it), and I’m planning to use his double knitting principles, as well as Amimoji principles and try to make a double knitting coaster with the character 愛, which means “love”.

There’s more planning to do, and I’m sure things will change as the year progresses, but for 2021’s knitting, I’m feeling much calmer, much more organised, and much more enthused!

Oat and Lentil porridge

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Porridge is excellent for breakfast, or for particularly lazy lunches or dinners. Here’s my favorite version which is delicious and very filling! You can try doing this in the microwave, I suppose, but I don’t think it would be as nice, and you’ll need a very big bowl so it doesn’t boil over or explode.

Serves one.

Ingredients

  • 1/3 cup oats (preferably not instant oats)
  • 1/3 cup lentils (green or red, but I prefer green)
  • 1 stock cube (I use the chicken-style vegan ones, but use whatever you like)
  • 1 tbsp grated parmesan cheese (or nutritional yeast)
  • pinch salt
  • freshly ground black pepper

Method

Put the oats and lentils in a saucepan with a cup and two thirds of water (or in any case a ratio of oats/lentils to water of 2:5) along with the stock cube, and then put it on a really low heat. Bring it up to a simmer (it’ll be quicker if you put a lid on) and then let it simmer partially covered for 20 minutes if you’re using red lentils, or 30 minutes if your’re using green lentils, or however long it takes to get the consistency you prefer. Make sure to stir it every now and then, and scrape the lentils that have stuck to the bottom of the pan (if you’ve used a non-stick pan, which I don’t recommend, you’ll need to try your best with a plastic or wooden implement, but you’ll have a much easier time if you have a pan that isn’t non-stick and a metal spoon).

About five minutes before the end of the cooking time, add the cheese (or yeast), a pinch of salt, and a good grinding of black pepper, and when it’s done, well, you eat it!

Spaghetti with a mushroom ragu for two

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This is a delightful little dish that’s simple and fairly quick to make. You can use fresh mushrooms, but I suggest using dried because they are cheaper, have much more flavor, and you can use the soaking liquor for the stock. If you do choose to use fresh mushrooms, then use vegetable stock. Chicken or chicken-style vegan stock will overpower the flavor of the mushrooms.

For the mushrooms, I used a mixture of shiitake, button, cep, and black fungus, but I don’t think the black fungus worked all that well (except for giving the dish a dramatic look!). I think dried mushrooms are excellent, but if you do use fresh, you’ll need about five times the weight. If you use nice mushrooms, that’ll be expensive, but you might be rich so you do you. Either way, don’t bother using just baby button mushrooms, and certainly don’t use oyster mushrooms because your sauce will taste of nothing.

It serves two people. Or one person twice.

Ingredients

  • 50 g dried mushrooms
  • Olive oil (about twice as much as you think you’ll need, but not so much that you’ll be deep frying)
  • 1 onion (or a couple of banana shallots would be nice)
  • 2 fat cloves of garlic, minced (or two big dollops out of a jar)
  • 60 ml or so of vermouth, or whatever you have – sherry, Madeira, Marsala etc.
  • 2 tbsp thickened cream (double cream in the UK, heavy cream in America)
  • Some basil, parsley, and parmesan cheese (as much as you like of each)
  • 250 g spaghetti (I use Barilla no. 7 spaghettoni)

Method

Begin by soaking the mushrooms in warm water for about half an hour (you’re going to ask me how much water to use: use enough to cover them in whatever vessel you’re soaking them in, and in any case at least 300 ml to 400 ml, but not too much, otherwise the lovely stock will be too weak.) While they are soaking, chop the onion and have a glass of wine. Add the chopped onion and garlic along with a good pinch of salt to the oil in a large frying pan, but don’t put it on the heat yet.

Once the mushrooms are rehydrated, drain and chop them, reserving 250 ml of the soaking liquor.

Now put the frying pan on a medium-ish heat and soften the onion, not until it’s brown, but until it’s really soft; it’ll take five to ten minutes, depending on the heat, but don’t be tempted to turn the heat up to rush it.

Next, add the mushrooms to the pan, and grind in some black pepper. If it’s a special occasion, you could grate in some nutmeg too – mushrooms love nutmeg. Cook the mushrooms over a fairly high heat until they are tender and any liquid that went in with them has evaporated.

Now pour in the vermouth (or whatever you are using) and allow that to evaporate too (it’s flavor we’re after here; we’re not making soup). Then pour in the reserved soaking liquor (or if you used fresh mushrooms, add 250 ml vegetable stock or something with an inoffensive amount of flavor). Turn the heat down to low, and simmer for about half an hour – until the liquid has reduced by about half and it’s thickened up.

While all that’s going on, bring a large pot of water to the boil and add a frightening amount of salt (like, I grab a handful of rock salt and throw it in), add the pasta and cook it for one minute less than it tells you on the packet, unless you’ve got dentures you’re worried about, then add some extra time so it all goes soft. Time it all so that the pasta will not be sitting around waiting for the sauce.

After the sauce has been cooking for half an hour and has reduced sufficiently, add the herbs and the cream (you can use more or less cream, depending on your taste, but don’t drown out the taste of the mushrooms, and remember you’re not making soup!). Bring it back up to a simmer (it shouldn’t curdle, unless you’ve used reduced fat cream for some reason, though I can’t imagine why you would). Then immediately drain the pasta and add it to the pan, mix it all together thoroughly, then serve onto warmed plates. Sprinkle over some grated parmesan cheese (or shaved if you’re trying to impress).

Enjoy!

 

Knitting supplies: advice for beginners

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A question I often answer and am sometimes asked is:

I want to learn to knit; what basic supplies do I need?

I’m going to answer this with what I think are the basics, with some specific recommendations on products. Note, this is my biased view; other people will give you different advice, but this is definitely my opinion on the best and most versatile products to get started with.

Assumptions:

  1. I’m going to assume you don’t want to spend a fortune, but do want some borderline decent supplies to get started.
  2. I’m also going to assume you just want to pick up some needles and yarn and start knitting. You don’t want to knit a thing (at first), you just want to practise the stitches.

A note: while understanding that you don’t want to spend a lot of money initially, knitting is an expensive hobby. You can, of course, buy a pair of needles and some acrylic yarn from the $2 store and knit with them, but I promise you that you’ll hate knitting if you do that.

Needles

I think for beginners, the best way to get started is to buy a 24″/60cm circular needle, size 4mm or 4.5mm (US size 6 or 7), and made of wood. (A lot of beginners start with bamboo, but I think that’s way too sticky. While having a bit of grip is good so your stitches won’t fall off the needle, if you’re constantly dragging the stitches along it will be irritating and you won’t enjoy knitting.)

With a circular needle you’ll be able to practise basic flat knitting, as well as circular knitting and magic loop knitting.

I am going to recommend KnitPro Symphonie fixed circular needle size 4mm. It’s AU$10.38 from LoveCrafts – or check your local yarn store.

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Yarn

There are loads of yarns available and it can be very confusing when you’re starting out. Most beginners start with acrylic yarn because it’s cheap and available everywhere – DON’T DO IT. The quality of cheap acrylic yarn can be so bad that it is genuinely unpleasant to knit with, and you’ll end up thinking you hate knitting when you just hate the yarn.

I recommend starting with wool yarn, in weight 4/medium/worsted/10-ply (it’s all the same thing, just different names depending on your location). Buy two 50g balls in two different light colors. 

This weight of yarn is probably the easiest to work with, and your stitches will be big enough for you to see. It’s also a good weight for your needles. Wool generally feels nice to work with and is really forgiving. It’ll have a bit more grip on your needles too. It’s really important to get light colors so you’ll be able to see your stitches easily.

If you’re in Australia I recommend Morris & Sons Estate 10-ply available from their website for AU$6.45.

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Other supplies

Aside from needles and yarn, there are a couple of other things I recommend you get. Not essential, but they’ll make life easier.

  • A crochet hook. I recommend an aluminium one with a soft grip handle, in the same size or a size smaller than your knitting needles. They are useful for practising picking up dropped stitches, as well as provisional cast-ons (I don’t expect you to know what that means!). KnitPro has one that’s good value: AU$4.37 from Love Crafts.
  • A yarn needle/tapestry needle. You’ll almost certainly want to practise weaving in ends or seaming, and these are essential for those things. They’re available everywhere (even supermarkets) for a couple of bucks, and the cheapest ones are fine.
  • Stitch markers are very useful for when you are practising increases or decreases. You can buy them, but for beginners you can make them by just cutting up a plastic drinking straw (one of the thick ones for milkshakes) into thin hoops.

Things you probably already have

  • A ruler. A 6″/15cm one is fine, as is a 12″/30cm one. A metre stick/yardstick is probably a bit too big.
  • A tape measure. The flexible 60″ ones that are everywhere are perfect. No need for a fancy retractable one.
  • Scissors, any size – even nail scissors will do, but massive kitchen ones might be a bit unwieldy.

A teacher

I think going to a beginners’ class at your local yarn store is the best way to get started, but that might well be impractical or unaffordable. There are lots of YouTube channels, some of them are good, and some of them are not. I recommend VeryPink Knits – Staci Perry of VeryPink is an excellent knitting teacher, and her videos are very well produced.

Please feel free to get in touch if you want more advice or if you dispute any of this! I’d love to chat knitting with you!

The One

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A glance to the left. This is not a date, but oh! he is so beautiful.

The rocking of the ship moves with the beat. Ah ah ah ah.

I’m the one.
Love me, love me, love me, love me.

Another glance. Was it reciprocated or are my eyes deceiving me?
The urge to kiss him is so strong. Don’t do it. Keep it together, hold it in.

I’ll go and get pizza and maybe he’ll be there. Maybe he’ll say hello. I’m too shy to call him. Too shy to walk up to him and say hello. I’d do anything to have you near me.

Falling in love with him would be a very bad idea. If I get hurt again I’ll need a lifetime to repair.
But it’s too late.
Time is short.
I look at him again and again, over and over. Every photograph of him is a work of art, but to be in his presence, to look at his face, his physical body is perfection. I pull him in for a selfie. It’s the worst photo of him in existence. I cannot record this, only remember it.

Can you imagine…? Just suppose.

Vegan Chili

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I like vegetarian cooking, but have long had a problem with vegetarian chili, and in particular the texture. Without overcooking the beans and vegetables it’s always seemed like a spicy vegetable and bean soup. A friend suggested blending it a bit with a stick blender. I loved it!

Serves 4 hungry people, or 6 people whose appetites are smaller

Ingredients

  • Oil (I used sunflower oil, but olive oil is good too.)
  • 1 onion (I used a red onion, but a brown onion would be just as good)
  • 1 red capsicum
  • 2 carrots (on the larger size, but not the tree-trunk sized ones)
  • 2 sticks of celery
  • 3 fat cloves of garlic (or three big dollops of already-crushed garlic from a jar)
  • About a heaped pudding spoonful of ground cayenne pepper (be bold; trust me)
  • Ground cumin, more than a teaspoon, less than a tablespoon
  • Ground smoked paprika, about the same amount as the cumin
  • 1 teaspoon mixed Italian herbs (I know, it sounds ridic, but it works)
  • A good heaped tablespoon of cocoa powder (NOT drinking chocolate)
  • 2 400 g cans of chopped tomatoes
  • 2 400 g cans of beans (I used Woolworths Mexican Beans mix, which is a mix of kidney beans, pinto beans, and black beans but you can use any beans you like)
  • 1 400 g can of sweetcorn kernels (or you can use frozen if you have some in the freezer)
  • 400 ml vegetable stock (I used stock powder and an empty tomato can full of hot water)
  • A few drops of Tabasco sauce (enough to put the willies up you a bit, but not so much you’re genuinely afraid)
  • Splash of white wine vinegar

Note: try to get the “no added salt” version of the canned stuff; it’ll taste better.

Method

Chop up the capsicum, carrots and celery and dice the onion. Warm the oil in a big saucepan or pot or casserole or something (I used the 3 litre Ikea 365+ pot, which was a bit snug, and I reckon the 5-litre one would have been better) and toss in the chopped vegetables. Keep the heat low and turn them over in the oil before putting a lid on. Stir them every now and then and after about fifteen minutes they should be tender. If not, leave them a bit longer, but you don’t want them mushy; just tender.

Now turn up the heat and put in the garlic, the spices and the herbs stirring to combine, and then add the cocoa powder. Stir that in too: it will combine with the oil and vegetable juices and go lovely and glossy – that’s when it’s time to add the tomatoes, drained beans, and drained corn, as well as the stock (or water and stock powder). Use the stock too rinse out the tomato cans. Stir it all together and bring it up to a simmer.

Once it’s simmering, turn the heat down so it’s simmering gently and let it cook for about half an hour, stirring occasionally and making sure nothing’s sticking to the bottom.

After half an hour add salt and pepper to taste (if you add salt before you cook the beans they’ll end up tasting of nothing – that’s also why I recommending using cans with no added salt).

Now take it off the heat and leave it to cool down for a couple of minutes. It won’t get cold. Use a stick blender to give it a bit of a whizz – just a couple of pulses, but don’t go crazy: you’re not making soup. If you don’t have a stick blender (and honestly, if you don’t you really should get one, and a decent one – the best you can afford) you can put a couple of ladlefuls into an ordinary blender and whizzy whizzy before adding it back to the pot (and if you don’t have any kind of blender you could put a couple of ladlefuls through a mouli, or go at it with a potato masher, but I really do recommend doing something to get the contrasting textures).

Finally stir in a splash of white wine vinegar, check the seasoning and serve! I put some slices of avocado on top and it was delicious. I often put broken tortilla chips on chili too, and, while I don’t really like it, a lot of people put corriander leaves on the top. A dollop of sour cream and that grated Monterrey Jack cheese is nice if you’re not concerned about it not being vegan

M People videos, a full rundown

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I wrote a short thread on twitter earlier about my thoughts on some M People videos. Here is a full rundown.

Colour My Life

For a first video it’s okay. It’s just the band playing the song in a studio. but it’s well shot. Heather’s outfit is extremely 1991. We have a lady guitarist, which was very progressive back then. The backing vocalists do a bizarre dance that uses only their arms and bobbing up and down a bit. It’s quite endearing. ⭐⭐⭐

How Can I Love You More

More of the same really; just the and performing the song in a studio, but without the backing singers and their dance. Disappointing tbh. ⭐⭐

Someday

A further slide downhill. This is Heather singing alone against a black backdrop with some lighting , interspersed with some live show footage. They’d clearly run out of money by single #3. ⭐

Excited

Excited has two videos! The UK video is Heather dancing in front of interesting backdrops wearing office attire while the boys play pinball, with some shots of Heather wearing a rather gorgeous evening dress on a couch. It’s quite cute! ⭐⭐⭐

The US remake is where we finally get a LOCATION! They’re in the courtyard of a nice house with a stage set up in the middle of the pond (???) singing the song. People dance. They’ve thrown a bit of money at this, but not much. ⭐⭐⭐

One Night In Heaven

They went to Barcelona to film this video. They’re all drunk and/or high and carrying on while being filmed. Heather has two outfits – a lovely, if plain, dress and cardigan (a cardigan in Summer in Barcelona?!), and a horrible checked waistcoat and a shirt with a massive collar combo. The video’s a bit boring, but it’s nice to see them outside. ⭐⭐⭐

Moving On Up

We’re at a party and M People have been booked to perform. Some couples on the dance floor are fighting, Suddenly there is a cat and an iguana for some reason. Heather is wearing a long black dress and a lovely choker with matching earings. The boys are wearing pajamas. It’s all a bit confusing, but it’s fun and extremely 1994. ⭐⭐⭐

Don’t Look Any Further

They sent Heather and Mark to Berlin to film this and apparently left Mike, Paul, and Shovel at home. As such, Heather appears to have stayed sober. They’ve put her in gorgeous makeup with cute little heart earrings. It’s moody and dark. A really solid video actually. ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Renaissance

I think this could be San Francisco? We have a few shots of them singing and dancing in a studio that we’re supposed to believe is a hotel or something, and the rest of the video is Heather driving an enormous car around the streets of wherever they are and basically losing control. They must have used up all the budget for this album because we’ve got the dress from Moving on up and the earrings from Don’t Look Any Further. It’s fun, but not all that great. ⭐⭐

Sight For Sore Eyes

We’re back in the studio. There are some car shells and mechanics welding, but the car/mechanic theme is a bit half-arsed, because other than that it’s basically the Colour My Life video. Heather has finally discovered hoop earrings, and she is wearing what is honestly the most horrible jumper I have ever seen; it’s either from C&A or Dior. Paul is starting to look a bit rugged and has CHEEKBONES. Mike has grown a beard and his hair and is clearly starting his mid-life crisis. The only good bit of this video is when the drummer pretends to use spanners instead of drumsticks. ⭐⭐

Open Your Heart

Some solid CGI here. Heather’s in a CGI lift that might be in a hotel ur club or something and different characters & groups get in and out f the lift. Heather has a very lovely East-Asian-inspired dress and a diamond hair band. Paul’s eyes are BLUE. Mike’s mid-life crisis deepens he looks like he hasn’t even washed his hair.  There are gays, there are trans people, there are loads of people of color as well as Heather, there’s a supernatural spooky bit where Heather walks away and her reflection doesn’t until a few seconds later. It’s a bloody amazing video. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Search for the Hero

An abandones warehouse or school or tower block or something. Children throw rocks at windows. The band stands in the middle of it and performs. Suddenly there is fire, and then the sprinklers activate. Another outstanding video that’s worth watching even if you hate the song. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Love Rendezvous

A re-run of Renaissance, but they’re high in Rio instead of Barcelona. There’s a bit more narrative here as we’re also following a couple running through the streets to find each other and then they kiss. There’s some live footage from the tour, and shome travel show type shots of Rio and it’s people. ⭐⭐⭐

Itchycoo Park

Heather’s on the bed in a spotlight dreaming of walking through a country house and its gardens. She levitates. Gorgeous blue velvet dress and ruby choker. The video’s crap but the fashion is excellent. ⭐⭐

Just For You

Heather’s on a couch in a studio while the band play around her. Paul’s finally lost all his hair and has developed the sort of cheekbones that could cut diamond. There’s an orchestra. Oh, and CGI bugs. It looks like they spent a LOT of money on this. ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Fantasy Island

In a studio on a spinning platform with some CGI texture going on underneath. It’s extremely boring. ⭐

Angel St

This is mostly live footage and footage from rehearsals, backstage and stuff. It’s pretty good for what it is, but it’s not winning any prizes or anything. ⭐⭐⭐

Testify

ZOMG this video. Heather’s wearing a cloak and wandering through the forest in the snow while the Northern Lights are happening in the sky. She gets to where she’s going, shakes of the cloak and is there singing in the snow in a Warrior Princess outfit made of diamonds. It is amazing. It’s all CGI. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Dreaming

Heather’s walking through the streets of London with a horrible filter applied to the video, like as if someone has gone to town with Snapseed. It is not good. Clearly they threw some money at this, but it was not well spent. ⭐⭐

A morning walk

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Every morning on my walk to work from the station I pass an elderly couple walking into town. They walk quite slowly; it probably takes them an hour or more to get into town so it doesn’t matter which train I get on or how early or late I’m running; I always pass them.

They are old. So old. Certainly in their eighties at least. I’d guess they have half a lifetime of memories in India, shared. And they walk together, side-by-side, always in silence, and always very slowly.

They are always immaculately dressed, beautiful clothes, clean and pressed. Sandals even in winter. Long, flowing, and brightly colored fabric, probably decades old. And the smell of beautifully scented soaps and lotions fills the air as I walk by them,

It’s actually been a couple of weeks since I’ve seen them. We’ve never interacted, so I haven’t noticed that I haven’t seen them, I haven’t missed them — except yesterday I wondered about them as I walked past the tree where I would sometimes have to give way to them if we arrived there at the same time because the footpath isn’t wide enough. But it didn’t dwell on my mind.

Until today as I was walking to work from the station I passed him in the street. He was walking a little faster than normal. Alone. Wearing pajamas and slippers. Smelling slightly stale. I said hello; he didn’t answer me. I could see the pain on his face.

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Handwritten draft of the text

Anger

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[This is part one of a short series on emotional abuse in domestic relationships. This piece discusses anger, aggression, emotional control and manipulation.]

“You’re a good influence on him. He’s more mellow with you. I love his bitterness, and you mellow him. You’re good for him.”

She told you that, and she was right. She’s known him longer than you have, and she knows how angry he can get. His angry outbursts. He gets angry quite a lot.

“That must be awful for you.”

Not really, right? He gets angry quite a lot, but only at other people. His anger is never directed at you. People piss him off a lot. Hell, it seems everybody pisses him off, people cross him and he gets angry. But his anger is never directed at you. He speaks to you calmly, never angrily. With you he is mellow. He tells you that you calm him down. His friends notice you calm him down. It’s so good that you met him: you’re the only person who he never gets angry at; he’s so lucky to have found you.

He’s manipulating you. This is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse that is directed at you, and you haven’t noticed. He’s tricking you into being afraid of him whilst believing you trust him.

No, you’re not afraid of him! You do trust him!

You’re not afraid that at some point his anger will be directed at you? That he’ll become aggressive towards you the way he is aggressive towards other people who piss him off? No, of course you’re not, because, see, he only gets angry and aggressive towards people who piss him off. All you have to do is never piss him off. All you have to do to avoid is anger is to simply not fuck up. You’ve got this. You can do this. Avoiding his aggression is something you are responsible for: just don’t fuck up.

And there. He’s got you. He’s controlling you. He’s manipulating your emotions; controlling your behavior. By withholding his anger he’s making you believe that you are in control of his anger and that if he ever does become aggressive towards you, it will have been your fault.

And one day he does lose his temper at you. You knew it would come eventually. You’ve seen how he gets with other people, just flies off the handle at any little thing that pisses him off, and you knew you couldn’t stay on his good side forever. You knew you’d fuck up at some point. But it was only a little fuck-up. And that’s just how he is. You can use this as a learning experience. Keep on his good side. Keep him mellow.

You’re the one who calms him down. He only gets angry at you sometimes, and it’s not like it’s for major things. It’s only for things that are inconsequential, so it doesn’t really matter. I mean, obviously you fucked up here, and he’s got every right to be angry. Anyone would be angry.

And, look, sometimes he gets angry and aggressive towards you for things that were not your fault, but that’s just how he is. You know him: anger is how he deals with things. He gets frustrated and aggression is just the way his frustration erupts out of him. All of this was out of your control, you didn’t do anything wrong here; he’s just upset. Anyone would be upset; you can’t hold that against him because anyone would be upset, so of course he’s angry. Of course he is angry.

And, look, you’re a team, right? You love him and he loves you. You trust him because he doesn’t get angry at you except when he does. You absorb his anger, that’s what you do. And he trusts you to. You calm him; you mellow him. And he trusts you enough to let himself show his anger to you. He trusts you to stay when he is angry because you calm him. Anyone else he is aggressive to runs away, but not you. He trusts you not to. His anger towards you is different from his anger towards other people. To you his anger is an expression of love. His aggression is an expression of trust.

You know that anger is his default emotion. This is the way he expresses himself. He needs a release. It’s good that he allows his emotions to show. It’s not really aggression as such; he’s just sharing his emotions with you. You have this emotional connection: trust going both ways. It’s despair and he needs to get it out, and you’re the one who makes things better. You have to be there for him.

You have to be there. He needs an outlet for his emotions. His anger and aggression is just an outlet for his emotions. And really, if you think about it, it’s better that his anger and aggression is directed at you instead of being directed at other people. Like, at least you know how to handle him. Other people don’t know how to handle him when he’s angry, but you do. You calm him when he is angry, so although he gets angry quite a lot, it’s never at other people. His anger is only directed at you. People piss him off a lot. Hell, it seems everybody pisses him off, people cross him and he gets angry. But his anger is only directed at you.

 

Witches, evil faries, and wicked queens

SuperCroup

The worst fairy story is Cinderella because there is no witch or demon or anything; the baddies are just ordinary humans being intolerable cunts, and that is *not* the basis for a Force of Evil in a fairy tale. What I’m looking for in a fairy tale antagonist is some magical being who is smart — and maybe *too* smart. The absolute best fairy story villains go about their cruel schemes because of petty grudges rather than an attempt at amassing wealth or status.

Cinderella fails on all counts. The villain is a wicked stepmother, but she has no magic powers; she just has political power. She and her daughters treat Cinderella cruelly, but it’s simply because they are horrible people.

The best fairy tale (and not just for, but mainly for its villain) is Sleeping Beauty. In all its incarnations the evil fairy is spectacular, but I think Disney’s Maleficent is particularly good. This is the story of an evil fairy who cooks up an elaborate plan to kill a child out of pure spite. The sole motivation for her murderous plot is her not being invited to a party, and she spends nearly two decades dwelling on this petty grudge, allowing it to consume her. She’s magic; she’s evil; and, although she could have done the job with a single shot when she gatecrashed the party, she implements the most outrageously elaborate scheme to put a family through sixteen years of anguish before striking the fatal blow. Her demise is entirely because of this over-the-top scheme: it all gets too big for her. She is a victim of her own genius.

Hansel and Gretel is alright, but just alright. We start with the wicked stepmother who is just a dick because she doesn’t like children, but we move past this quite quickly into the main setting with the witch in the wood. Witches are great; I like witches, but overall this witch is a bit disappointing. Sure, she’s capable of doing magic (gingerbread houses have got to be magic, right?), but apart from that she is a basic bitch witch. Of all the possibilities in the world, she captures children because she wants to eat them — and even more dull, she physically catches them and locks them in a cage, and plans to cook them in an oven. Yawn. And quite the opposite of Sleeping Beauty’s wicked fairy who is a genius, Hansel and Gretel’s witch is a moron who is tricked by a chicken bone.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is quite good, but it spends way too much time on the Dwarfs (like, honestly, who cares?). The Wicked Queen is a solid villain: she uses magic, she’s a child killer, she lives her whole life consumed with outrageous vanity, she holds an utterly pointless grudge. In short, she’s my ideal villain. There are lots of incarnations of this story, with various demises for the Wicked Queen, and mostly they are good: she almost always falls victim to her own clever scheme. The Disney version where she falls off a cliff is rubbish, but other versions have wonderful endings for this baddie: as John points out, the version where the Queen is forced to dance to death in red hot iron shoes is wonderful for the ballet, but my favorite ending is the one where every mirror she looks into turns black and she is driven to insanity by never being able to gaze upon her own reflection ever again.

Roses are red

SuperCroup1 Comment

Every single Valentine’s day we have to argue over where to place boundaries when dividing a continuous spectrum into discrete sections, but human language adds boundaries progressively as time advances and violets are blue except in languages that have words for purple.

Roses aren’t red either, but red is such a linguistically ancient concept that it tends not to get divided up as quickly as other color concepts. The points at which red stops being red are much further from the center of red than the points at which blue stops being blue are from the center of blue. But excluding the violets that are white, we can say two things for certain:

  1. Violets are definitely blue.
  2. Violets are definitely not blue.

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Poker machines: why do we even have them?

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Disclosure: I am employed by a large club in Sydney, my knowledge of gaming and gaming machines is technical and extensive, and I have worked in the gambling industry (in clubs and casinos in Australia and overseas) since 2005.

Problem gambling exists and is a problem, and I don’t think anyone is doing enough to tackle it, and a lot of harm can be attributed to problem gambling involving poker machines. A huge amount of money goes through poker machines in NSW, and very few players win in the short-term – even fewer in the long-term.

However, it’s important that we have legal and regulated gambling. We have to – both from a personal liberty perspective (people should be allowed to do whatever the like with their own money), and from a harm minimization perspective (the alternative to legal, regulated gambling is illegal, unregulated gambling – underground casinos, dog fights and cock fights, underground poker games bankrolled by loan sharks). We can’t totally prevent problem gambling and the harm that comes from it, but we can try to minimize it, which is why regulation is important.

So here are some reasons why poker machines are attractive to regulators, governments, operators, and players.

Regulation and monitoring

Poker machines are easy to regulate and easy to monitor. Really easy. Every legally operated poker machine in NSW has a unique serial number; the regulator knows where every single one is, who is operating it and what software is installed on it. The software goes through an approval process. Every legally-operated poker machine in NSW is connected to the Central Monitoring System (CMS) and has to be by law – if there are any problems with communication to the CMS, the machine can’t be operated until communication is restored. Whether the regulation is good enough, the enforcement is good enough, compliance is good enough are other issues, but that they are so so simple to regulate and monitor makes them really attractive to gambling regulators.

Because of the process of getting poker machine software from development to market, poker machines are really difficult to compromise. In short you can’t bribe a poker machine. You can’t cheat. Unlike in casinos and bookmakers, staff can’t be bribed or assist with cheating, payouts can’t be miscalculated. Everything is legit. So they are attractive to operators, players, and regulators, all of whom can trust them.

Low-risk gambling

With the usual acknowledgement that some people’s lives are destroyed through gambling, for most people poker machines provide access to gambling in a low-risk and low-cost way. People who set and stick to limits don’t lose more than they can afford, and the range of machines and games available mean that even very low limits can provide genuine entertainment value, decent time playing, and the thrill of a potential win. And poker machines combine three things that other forms of leisure gambling can’t: low entry price, high prize potential, instant win. Some examples:

  • Casino games offer instant wins and high prize potentials, but the entry prices are high – most people cannot afford to play casino games.
  • Racing and sports betting offer the potential of instant wins with a low entry price, but large prize potentials don’t exist without large bets.
  • Lotteries offer large prizes at a low entry price, but generally can’t offer instant wins.

Many people consider this a bad thing, but I don’t. Lots of people want to experience the thrill of gambling, the potential to win a large prize with an instant payoff, and at a low entry price, and poker machines offer that. I am certainly not going to tell people that that should not be on offer to them.

Harm minimization

Like for regulation, poker machines are easy to monitor for problem gambling as well as for potential money laundering. Despite what is often said, it’s very difficult to launder money through a poker machine if strict transaction monitoring and player identification procedures are adhered to. Players can monitor their own play if they want to, and get detailed and accurate statements on their play and spend, things that are much more difficult with casino gaming, racing and sports betting, and lotteries, for example. These are not necessarily good or bad things, but they are things that make poker machines attractive to operators and regulators.

Staff exposure is quite important here too: this is anecdotal, but I’ve had far fewer colleagues develop gambling problems in venues with only poker machines compared with casinos that offer table games with live dealers. I have been a dealer myself, and even I can sit at a blackjack table, or stand at a craps table as a player and think that I somehow have an advantage because I know the game inside out.

And it’s worth mentioning that, unlike racing, there are no animal welfare issues with poker machines (other than, perhaps, say, problem gamblers neglecting their pets).

Social exclusion reduction

There are better venues for social interaction than gaming rooms in clubs and hotels. Of course there are. But still, we live in the world we live in, and for quite a lot of people (especially elderly people living alone) a couple of hours playing the pokies once, twice, or a couple more times a week is valuable social interaction with others. I won’t spin it as a good thing, and I am more than aware that this can be spun as pokie dens preying on vulnerable people. But it’s a thing that exists and happens. Social services for elderly and lonely people should be better – of course they should – but they aren’t, and as long as people who get their social interaction from playing poker machines would otherwise be sitting at home alone, a social exclusion reduction argument can be made.

Physical poker machines in regulated venues also function as an alternative to online gambling. Online casinos and online poker machines. Those things can’t be regulated (we’ve tried!) and they are genuinely solitary. Again, it’s not ideal, but having poker machines in relatively safe environments with amenities and other people is a more attractive offering to players and regulators than people sitting at home alone playing the same games but with unregulated operators with no guarantee of wins being honored and withdrawals being possible, and with no protection if things do go wrong.

Money

Of course one of the main reasons they are attractive to operators is that poker machines can generate quite large amounts of revenue, and they are attractive to governments because they generate quite large amounts of tax. There’s a lot of financial and political leverage that goes both ways. A lot of people spend small amounts of money playing poker machines, and a small number of people spend large amounts of money playing poker machines, and this is the basis of most criticism of poker machines: money.

All forms of gambling come with the risk of harm from problem gambling and problems related to problem gambling, and poker machines are not a special case. I don’t argue that poker machines are a benevolent source of social virtue providing employment and delivering social change through charitable giving (though both things are true/there are good arguments why these things are, indeed, bullshit: make up your own mind), but poker machines and the industry as a whole, despite some thoroughly rotten operator, are not a pure force of evil. They are simply, as a form of legal and regulated gambling, attractive.

Kedgeree with smoked herrings

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Kedgeree is great. It’s a breakfast dish but you can have it any time. It’s quick and easy and a very good recipe for one, but it is also good when you have an overnight guest who you want to impress with breakfast, and because my version mostly uses tinned ingredients, it’s an ideal camping dish.

This recipe serves one.

Ingredients

  • 200 g can of smoked herrings (in brine, please; not tomato sauce)
  • 60 ml basmati rice (or any long-grain rice, but I insist on basmati)
  • half an onion, diced (I use already diced frozen onions)
  • half a small can of mushrooms (I like the ones in butter sauce)
  • One hard boiled egg, roughly chopped
  • A big pinch of curry powder (I use Clive of India Hot curry powder – this is an outrageous colonial dish after all!)
  • About half a teaspoon of turmeric, for color
  • Salt and pepper
  • Butter

Method

In a small-ish frying pan over a medium heat, fry the onion in butter until it is soft and slightly brown, then turn the heat up to high. Stir in the curry powder and the turmeric until it’s combined with the butter and coated the onions, then add the rice to the pan. You want to toast the rice for about a minute, and keep it moving so that the rice picks up the color and flavor of the curry powder.

Once everything is a lovely orange color and nicely fragrant, pour in 180 ml water and bring to the boil. Once it’s boiling, cover the pan (if you haven’t got a lid that fits, just use foil), turn the heat right down and let it barely simmer for about fifteen minutes, or until the water has been absorbed and the rice is cooked.

In the meantime, pour yourself a glass of wine (if you are making this for lunch or dinner) or champagne (if you are making this for breakfast) and take some photos of the cooking process for your Instagram.

Once the rice is cooked, fluff it up a bit with a wooden fork (I had trouble finding a wooden fork in Sydney when I first moved here, and was even told by a shop assistant in a cookware shop that they did not exist and I had conjured up the concept of a wooden fork in my head, but it turns out that someone at Ikea also conjured up the concept of a wooden fork in their head, so you can get one there). Use the wooden fork to break up the herring fillets (which you have drained, of course!) a bit, but not too much because you want chunks rather than flakes, and stir the into the rice, along with the chopped egg and the mushrooms. Do it gently otherwise you’ll break up the fish and egg too much and you’ll end up with mush. Just turn it over with the fork until everything is combined and heated through. Season with salt and pepper. I’m an absolute fiend for salt, but you probably won’t need that much because of the herrings.

If you’re doing this for Instagram, and are particularly interested in likes and comments, then this looks nice sprinkled with some cayenne pepper (I don’t do this because I don’t like the flavor) and some parsley arranged on the top (you could use coriander, of course, which might be a better flavor combination, but wouldn’t be in the spirit of colonial cuisine).

Then, of course, you eat it.

Notes

If you want a vegetarian version, leave out the fish and double the mushrooms, and you could maybe use some lentils or some smoked firm tofu or tempeh or something that will have a bit of a bite and a smoky or smoke-adjacent flavor. If you want a vegan version do that and leave out the egg (and use some kind of vegetable oil or other instead of the butter).

If you’re making this for more than one person (which you probably are if, as suggested, you’re making this for breakfast to impress last night’s shag your overnight guest), then increase the quantities of everything accordingly (use a 1:3 ratio of rice to water), and serve it on a platter, rather than individually, so people can help themselves.

follow me on twitter @supercroup 

 

 

 

A celebration of queer rights in Australia

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In Australia we’re in the middle of a campaign for a government survey on whether the law should be changed to allow same-sex couples to marry. The going is really tough, and a lot of us are feeling really shitty: the attacks are coming strong from the No campaign.

But: some positivity. Despite marriage equality not yet having arrived in Australia, we do have a lot of rights, and rights that are worth celebrating. And importantly rights that prove that our equality does not have terrible consequences for society.

Let’s celebrate these rights, and use their existence to argue for further extension of our civil and human rights.

The right to exist

Fundamentally, in Australia, we have the right to exist. The law doesn’t prohibit our existence. For all the hatred we face, the abuse, the violence, our right to exist is protected. Around the world, not all LGBT people have that right protected.

The right to fuck

Sexuality and sex is a core part of [most of] our existence. In Australia we have the right to fuck anyone who can and does consent. Some people engage in sexual violence against people asserting that right. Some put acid in lube dispensers in gay saunas. But none of that removes the right we have to fuck anyone who can and does consent. Around the world, not all LGBT people have that right protected.

The right to form domestic partnerships

Australia is pretty good when it comes to recognizing de facto partnerships — including those between same-sex couples. We’ve established over the pervious weeks that they are not identical to marriages but even so, de facto couples are afforded most of the rights and benefits that married couples are. It’s not perfect, but we do have some of the most progressive de facto rights and protections in the world.

The right to migrate

Spousal migration to Australia is easy. I know: I’ve done it. Admittedly as a white man, but the right to migrate to Australia as the spouse (de jure or de facto) of an Australian citizen or permanent resident is protected, and dependent on (almost) nothing except the status of the relationship. Migration law recognizes the status of de facto relationships where cohabitation hasn’t occurred because of the illegality of the relationship where the couple previously lived.

In practice it can be hard, expensive, and complicated, but the right to migrate with our spouses exists. Few other countries offer this.

The right to employment

Discrimination against a person on the basis of sexual orientation, gender identity, intersex status, or marital relationship status is against the law in Australia. Employers are not allowed to discriminate against us.

They do, of course. But they don’t have the right to do so. And our right is to be protected by law against such discrimination.

The right to transition

Unlike in many places in the world, trans people in Australia have the right to transition. Socially, medically, and administratively. This is not to suggest it is straightforward or that the process of transition isn’t riddled with gatekeeping bullshit, but trans people have the right to live in whatever gender role(s) suit, according to each person’s own determination.

Trans people have the right to receive support to transition, the right to a name change on official documentation, the right to change gender markers on official documentation (including to X if neither male nor female is appropriate). Around the world not all trans people have these rights.

The right to celebrate

These — and other — rights come along with the right to exist openly and freely. The right to celebrate. We have bars and clubs that are not hideaways, but open and public venues that SCREAM queer. We have Mardi Gras in Sydney every year, and politicians incessantly turn up for photo opportunities. There are plenty of problems in the queer party scene, including racism, sexism, and transphobia, and we need to work on that. But we have the right to work on it because we have the right to celebrate.

The right to marry

Coming soon.

The right to marry is an addition to our existing rights, wide-ranging rights that in Australia are surprisingly progressive. It’s right and good that we demand access to marriage, but let’s do so in the context of celebration of our existing rights, and how much these rights add to society.

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Why straight people should say Yes to gay marriage

SuperCroupLeave a comment

For most queer people, same-sex marriage, gay marriage, marriage equality, call it what you will is about equal access to a legal institution, and for us equality is important.

For a large part of mainstream society, equality honestly just isn’t that important, and inequality doesn’t affect your day -to-day lives. I know you don’t really care about queer people’s mental health or about queer teens’ suicide rates. Yes, it’s sad, but it doesn’t really affect you, and you’d rather it all just went away.

I know that to a large number of you, the gays are an irritation, an inconvenience. Of course it gives me the shits that you see my existence as an inconvenience, but I won’t pretend it isn’t so, and try to sell you same-sex marriage on a platform of equality, benefit to queers, and #loveveislove.

I know that since we are an inconvenience, you’d rather we just went away, but unfortunately (or otherwise) we are here to stay. Society has tried for centuries to reduce the inconvenience we cause by making us go away, but I think we all realize that we are not going anywhere.

So aside from the equality that we care about, I’d like to share with you how same-sex marriage can help solve some of the inconvenience that you care about.

Admin is a mess

In most states and territories in Australia, there is some kind or relationship register or civil partnership register that unmarried couples can use to register their relationships. Same-sex couples are required to use these registers if they wish to register their relationships. It’s a mess: each state or territory that uses such a scheme has to administer this scheme, as well as administering the recognition of similar interstate schemes and administering the recognition of marriage, which itself is looked after by the Commonwealth. All this jumble, all these intertwined systems could be streamlined and simplified simply by opening up marriage to all couples who want to register their relationships.

Think of all the taxpayers’ money that could be saved. Think of all the red tape that could be done away with. Think of all the extra time, money, and resources that could be put into roads, schools, and hospitals instead of managing half a dozen mostly-equivalent systems that could all be consolidated into the one institution that already exists and is universal: marriage.

Determining next of kin is a mess

When people in same-sex relationships die or fall ill, how much time, money, and effort is spent trying to ascertain who their next of kin is? Lots. Doctors and medical staff spend time and taxpayers’ money trying to find out who should make decisions on a person’s care, when they could be taking care of patients. Taxpayers’ money and administration time is spent in courts trying to determine who a dead person’s next of kin is, who has rights over their affairs. And all of this could be solved by opening up marriage to couples who want to use marriage to manage this.

Barring same-sex couples from marrying costs us all money, and reduces the quality of our healthcare. It’s such a simple fix.

Children are important

Same-sex couples have children. The debate on whether they should or not is a different one, but the fact is: they do. And children of same-sex couples are important. Their lives are important, their childhoods are important, and their education is important.

Children’s lives are easier when the administration of their lives and their education is simple. And that involves recognizing their parents. Marriage makes this super, super simple. It instantly recognizes co-parents, and reduces time and money spent by education systems and other systems administering children’s lives and arrangements. This doesn’t just improve life and education for the children of same-sex couples; it improves life and education for all children. Streamlined education systems with simple admin benefit everyone. Opposition to same-sex marriage is very literally holding your child back.

And aside, if you really do believe that children need a mother and a father, that children of same-sex couples are necessarily at a disadvantage, surely you wouldn’t support putting these kids at more of a disadvantage. Surely you would want to do everything possible to mitigate the effects of that inherent disadvantage. Same-sex marriage does that.

So #VoteYes for you

So straight people, even if you don’t really care all that much about equality, put your support behind same-sex marriage because it benefits you. Even if you actually oppose rights for queer people, put your support behind same-sex marriage because it benefits you. Even if you think queers are a scourge on society, put your support behind same-sex marriage because it benefits society as a whole.

Even if you won’t do it for us, do it for you.

No hate mail, please

SuperCroupLeave a comment

Followers on Instagram and twitter may have seen I have updated my mailbox, adding a “No anti-marriage equality material” sticker next to the “no junk mail” sticker.

If you want your own that looks like mine, here is the PDF printable format (click the link). Print, laminate (if you like) and stick it on your mailbox.

This is a very small gesture, but I have stuck this on my mailbox for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I don’t want homophobic hate mail in my letter box. I don’t expect this will actually prevent this, but it might. Secondly I am marking my home as queer, or at least queer-friendly. In the past I might have been afraid to do this out of fear of threats to my physical safety and to the security of my home. Now I don’t care; I think it’s more important to be visibly queer, to send messages that we are everywhere, and that we are not going away.

This also, I hope, sends the message that objecting to receiving homophobic hate material is a normal and reasonable thing to do, that this ‘debate’ on marriage rights in Australia does not have to be balanced, and that we have no obligation to ‘hear both sides’.

Stay strong, comrades. xx

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A week of homophobic medical experiences

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I’ve had a pretty shitty week, and here is the story. I want to express how I was really feeling at the time, so I’ll mostly copy-paste messages sent to friends and family with as little editing as possible.

I was sick on Monday (an upset stomach) and took the day off work so I had to go to the doctor to get a doctor’s certificate for work. I just went to the doctor round the corner instead of my usual doctor. As part of the consultation she was asked general health questions, and through her questioning it transpired that I’m gay: at this she got very flustered and her immediate response was to to say she wanted to send me for full STI & HIV tests immediately, so I was like WTF I’m just here for a medical certificate and I have a regular testing schedule anyway but she wouldn’t drop it and gave me a referral anyway.

That pissed me off, obviously. But anyway, there’s a pathology lab that I pass on my way home from work, so I figured I may as well just go in to do the urine test and throat swab because it’s free and I might as well.

On arrival I gave the lab tech the referral; she asked me to sit down and she left the room. She came back a few minutes later and said “I’m confused because your doctor has requested a throat swab for gonorrhea, and the swab is normally from the penis in men” so I was like, “OK but I need a throat swab”. She said that she didn’t know how to do it because there are no guidelines for doing a throat swab for gonorrhea in men (like WTF srsly?) and she couldn’t do it. She told me to either come back the next day, or go to a different pathology lab.

So I was furious. And I wrote to their office to complain.

I am writing to complain following a recent visit to your pathology collection centre on 15 August that has left me distressed and angry.

My doctor had ordered a urine test and throat swab for chlamydia and gonorrhoea, tests which I have had many times, and believe are very common. On arrival, I presented the pathology request to the technician, who asked me to take a seat and left the room. Some minutes later she returned and said she was confused because my doctor had requested throat swabs for chlamydia and gonorrhoea, and that there were “no guidelines” for how she should collect those because swabs for chlamydia and gonorrhoea are usually taken from the penis. I told her I have throat swabs for these tests regularly, but she reiterated that because there were no guidelines she did not know how to collect the required sample. She suggested I either return the following day or go to a different collection centre, and refused to collect the sample.

The impression I got was that either this collection center or this staff member (or both) was completely unprepared to collect a sample for a very common test for men who have sex with men. I personally felt humiliated by what seems to be clear discrimination based on my sex and sexual orientation, and angry that my health care and any treatment that may be necessary was delayed because of this. I am also very concerned more generally that experiences like this one discourage men who have sex with men and who live in this area from testing for STIs, putting the health of the community of which I am a part at unnecessary and unacceptable risk.

I would like to receive a response explaining why I had this experience, and what will be done to ensure that this experience will not be repeated, either for me or for other people.

But anyway I did go back the next day because I’m some sort of masochist or something. And it was terrible. I was furious.

I got there, handed over the urine sample that I had been carrying round with me all day and said “I’m here for the throat swab too”. It was the same technician as the previous day. She asked if I had called in the morning, and I said no, I’m here now. She told me that she had said to call in the morning to ask them which sample collection kit to use (!!!!), and I said, well, I couldn’t call in the morning.

She said she still didn’t know what the correct procedure for collecting the sample was (I mean come on, it’s a throat swab FFS) and I got quite angry and asked her why she didn’t know, and if it was really that uncommon. She said again that they only normally do the swab from the penis, and I snapped. I said “you do know oral sex is a thing, right?” and then she asked me to wait and that she would go and ask the doctor.

She came back and again said I should have called in the morning. By this point I was nearly in tears. She then picked up the phone and called (I think) another doctor, and by the sounds of it he didn’t know which sample kit to use either (I was there rolling my eyes because I know it’s the blue one, but she wouldn’t take my word for it), and after a far-too-long discussion they agreed that it was probably best if they used the blue one.

She put came towards me, and then went back and got out a face mask to put on (fair enough I suppose, but it felt like she was making a point, and I have never known anyone put a mask on to take a throat swab), and then jabbed me in the throat a few times with the swab. She printed some labels, pushed them towards me and said “check your details”. I told her they were correct, and she said “you can go now. See your doctor in three days”. And I left.

Fucking hell, I was furious. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so simultaneously angry and humiliated.

This was at a very large medical center in a big suburb. And it’s so concerning because there are a lot of married men on the DL in in that suburb and surrounds having sex with other men (and I know this for obvious reasons), and if it’s this much hassle for me — someone open and upfront about my sexuality & sexual behavior — to get the most basic test for very common STIs, I can’t imagine the local men, who need to test discreetly and quickly, are getting the care they need.

I’m very conscious that this was in an area where there are lots of men who have sex with men in secret. Primarily men of color. Shit like this — that makes testing for common STIs difficult and filled with judgment — discourages testing. Especially in suburbs like this, where culture and open homosexual behavior do not go together, this is a terrible thing. Instead of men being able to test and treat in secret, easily, there’s unnecessary discouragement. And so as well as increased prevalence of these STIs in the local network of MSM their wives are at much greater risk of STIs that they have no conscious reason to test for.

So I’m left angry and upset. Not just because of the effect it has had on my personally, but because homophobic and inadequate systems mean that our community is not getting the care it needs. We deserve a much better standard.

Pea & garlic soup

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I make this soup from time to time because it’s really quick and easy to make (it takes ten minutes!), it’s super cheap, and – most importantly – it’s delicious. I think it’s a perfect weekend lunch for one.

Every ingredient – except for the peas – is optional, and I never go out and buy anything specifically to make this, so it’s very much a storecupboard recipe.

Ingredients

  • 1 cup frozen peas
  • 1 small clove garlic, minced
  • 1/2 tsp vegetable stock powder (optional)
  • 1 tsp extra virgin olive oil
  • 1 tsp balsamic vinegar

Put the peas and the garlic in a small saucepan with the stock powder; cover with boiling water from the kettle so the peas are just covered. Simmer for 7-8 minutes before blending in a blender with a slug of olive oil and a decent drizzling of balsamic vinegar. Season well with salt and pepper, then eat it immediately.

(Serves one)

Everybody loves the Trump/Turnbull phone call story

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The Story

There were reports that on a phone call with Australian prime minister, Malcolm Turnbull, Donald Trump shouted a lot and then hung up on him.

Everybody loves it

Apart from one group, everybody in both the USA and Australia loves this story:

USA

The fash love it because it makes Trump look powerful and in control, taking no prisoners, and not allowing existing alliances influence his very good decisions.

Conservatives love it because it embarrasses Trump, making him look out of control. They know that they have control of Congress and that this display of childishness means they can more or less proceed how they like.

Centrists are horrified because their President who they Must Respect has insulted the leader of Australia, and surely the Australians respect him and are also suitably insulted.

Progressives love it because it’s reasonably amusing.

Australia

The fash love it because it embarrasses Malcolm Turnbull, makes him look weak and unable to deal with Trump, and paves the way for previously ousted leader Tony Abbott to recommence his Glorious Reign.

Conservatives love it because it embarrasses Trump and shows how their darling waffling Malcopops Trumble remains cool, calm, and collected in the face of adversary.

Centrists love it because it’s reasonably funny.

Progressives love it because it embarrasses both Turnbull and Trump, shows Trump as unhinged and Turnbull disrespected by a man he’s spent the last few months declaring to be one of his closest political allies.

So what?

Quite. That everyone is jumping on this story and trying to use it their advantage probably means most of it has been grossly exaggerated, and that it’s a non-story probably masking real stories. (E.g. the call was over a deal concerning refugees on Nauru & Manus Island, and we’re talking more about the phone call than seriously how we can get these people to Australia as soon as possible.)

That’s as in-depth as my analysis on this will get. Sorry.

Our Relationship: The Inside Story of Gay Male Couples

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Since same-sex marriage was legalised in 2014, the days of stigma and shame in gay male society have been replaced with those of liberation and tolerance. Emerging is a gay male world free from heteronormativity, self-loathing and internalised homophobia. To find out more about this new world of freedom I met five gay male couples living across the UK to ask about the inside story of their relationships.

Adam and Jeremy, Brighton

Adam and Jeremy have been together for ten years and have been married since they converted their civil partnership to a marriage last year. Living in a small flat in Brighton, most of their free time away from their office jobs is spent watching movies and playing video games.

“We have an active sex life too,” Adam confesses as he sips his fennel tea. “We don’t take drugs or drink alcohol so we can really experience sex to the fullest.” I ask if they have varied roles in the bedroom, or if they have fallen into strict top and bottom roles as many couples do.

“Oh, we don’t do anal!” says Jeremy with clear shock in his voice. “It’s not that we don’t enjoy it,” he clarifies as I lean forward, “it’s just that we’re not those kind of people.”

“Anal sex is fine for people without commitments,” adds Adam. “I tried it three times at uni.”

“Oh yes, you were a real slut,” laughs Jeremy as he picks up another of his homemade fondant fancies. “But I think we’ve both decided just to be more respectable now. We might even want to have children some day so we don’t want to fall into any habits that might affect their impressionable minds.”

“The adoption agency doesn’t view anal sex households too favourably” Adam explains. “So we try to stick to oral with a condom.”

I ask how they keep their sex lives interesting. Adam blushes, but Jeremy seems a little more willing to open up. “It was our anniversary last week,” he says, “and we tried frottage.” I try to press him further, but he tells me quite plainly: “That sort of skin-on-skin fetish isn’t really for us.”

Steve and Pete, Nottingham

I’m chatting to Steve over a protein shake as he waits for his boyfriend Pete – or his “brofriend” as he refers to him – to finish his workout. “I usually finish first,” he tells me “but I do a more intense session. Pete does more reps.” I ask about cardio. “Nah,” Steve responds, “cardio’s for chicks and poofters.”

Steve first met Pete via a popular gay dating app whilst looking for a ‘gym buddy’, though he admits he did not know what Pete looked like until they met in person. “Most of the guys worth meeting don’t show their faces,” he explains. “The ones who do are usually flaming queens and if I was looking to hook up with a chick I wouldn’t be on this app.”

I ask Steve – who doesn’t refer to himself as gay – if people ever think his statements are homophobic. “Nah mate,” he tells me, “it’s just how it is. I’m masc and I’m looking for masc.”

Steve straightens up, pushing out his muscular chest as Pete, a 5′ 11″ block of muscle and veins emerges from the gym. The two men bump fists as Pete approaches and asks “what’s up”, although he’s neither expecting nor receiving a response.

Pete tells me I’m lucky to have the chance to chat to them today – “We usually chill out in the locker room after a workout,” he says. “Yeah, we normally chill,” adds Steve. I enquire about the nature of their chill out sessions; Pete tells me about ‘brojobs’ – how he refers to oral sex. “Steve’s my bro,” he explains. “Most guys want a wife or something, but I’m looking for men who are men.”

“I’m a bottom,” he goes on, “but it’s all about muscle control. I’m masc so I’m not interested in sissy boys. Men should be men.”

“Yeah, cheers bro,” says Steve, with a nod before he downs the rest of his protein shake.

Mark and Richard, York

Mark and Richard from York are currently planning their wedding. They tell me they decided against a civil partnership, choosing to wait until same-sex marriage was legalised before forming their union. “We’re the same as straight people,” Mark tells me, “so why would we choose anything different?”

Richard nods as he turns the pages of the catalogue in front of him. “I have to pick a suit for the wedding, but they’re all pretty much the same” he says. “I reckon I’ll just let Mark decide.”

“What are men like?” Mark chuckles, standing up and clearing away the coffee cups. I ask if he wants any help. “No,” he says, “I’m going to be a housewife so I may as well act like one!”

“I’m the man of the house,” Richard tells me. “I wear the trousers.”

I join Mark in the kitchen and ask about the dynamics of their relationship. “It’s hard being the woman,” he says “but Richard does help around the house. Any time anything needs fixing he sees to it.”

I ask Mark if he really sees himself as a woman. He tells me it’s more of a mindset than a gender. “Every relationship needs a man and a woman. Just because we’re both men doesn’t mean that one of us isn’t the woman.”

Chris and Johnny, London

I meet Chris and Johnny at a vegetarian restaurant in central London. They arrive together; Chris is wearing black skinny jeans, a tee shirt with a slogan, black Converse sneakers and black-rimmed glasses, while Johnny wears a tee shirt with a print of a video game character, dark blue skinny jeans, grey Converse sneakers and brown-rimmed, circular spectacles. “I don’t need glasses to see,” Johnny says. “I just like the look”.

We’re sitting at a table outside, and after ordering starters – Chris and Johnny both order the butternut tart – they each take out their packet of Marlboro Lights and absentmindedly offer the other a cigarette.

“It’s how we met,” laughs Chris, running his fingers through his hair. “We were in a club before the smoking ban; I was out of cigarettes but I saw Johnny and figured he looked like someone who smoked Marlboro Lights.” It turns out that that was the case.

I ask how long they have been together. “Nine years.” Johnny tells me as he brushes his hair to the side with his fingers. “We moved in together five years ago. We had to get rid of so much stuff though because we basically had two of everything.”

We’re interrupted by the sound of Coldplay’s Speed of Sound. Chris and Johnny both take out their rose gold iPhone 6’s – Johnny answers his while Chris just chuckles. “Yeah, we have the same ringtone,” he tells me. “We didn’t even realise at first but I guess our tastes just align!”

While he has his phone out Chris takes the opportunity to show me some photos of himself and Johnny. I notice they have less facial hair in the photos from last year than the neatly groomed stubble they are sporting today. “Yes, we like to change things up a bit,” he explains. “It gets dull if we keep things the same all the time.”

Dan and Justin, Durham

Dan and Justin (not their real names) have lived together in their two-bedroom flat in Durham for just over a year. I’m meeting them at the flat, and after I’ve been waiting several minutes, Dan answers the door. “Oh thank god!” he exclaims.

He takes me through to their living room, shouting “don’t worry about unmaking the beds!” as we walk down the hall.

I’m confused, but Justin joins us after a minute or so and explains. “It’s in case my mum comes round,” he tells me. “She doesn’t know about us, so we make it look like both beds have been slept in.”

I’m shown around their rather large flat, including both bedrooms. They share a bed, but I ask which bedroom they pretend belongs to which of them. “It depends whose mum is round,” Dan says, and they both laugh nervously.

The flat feels strangely un-lived in – there are no signs of personality anywhere. No photos of the occupants, not even art or posters on the walls. I notice separate CD and DVD collections. “We really have to make it look like we’re just flatmates,” Justin says. “We even have separate cupboards in the kitchen.”

I ask if they think their families have any suspicions that they are a couple. “I don’t know” is Justin’s response. Dan says “I hope not. They’d probably be cool with it, but I just don’t want to tell them.”

John Avocado mainly tweets at @SuperCroup, often posts photos on Instagram and occasionally shoves posts on this here blog.